Happy New Jeers

by Jasmin Singer

That is how my lifelong friend Sara and I brought in the year 1997.  We were seniors in high school in central New Jersey (the strip mall capital of the world), and found ourselves low on dates and high on caffeine (which basically defines my entire high school experience, but I digress).  Nine years later, we wrung in 2006 in a similar fashion, though this time, we mixed a bit of liquor to our coffee, and for good reason.  Being single certainly has its moments, but New Year's Eve does not tend to be one of them. 

With absolutely no bitterness (or, okay, maybe just a little), I must challenge the idea that the way we spend our New Year’s Eve defines our placement on the social ladder and, regarding the single girls and boys, the hoax of an entire year full of dating misadventures.  Our plans for December 31st reflect nothing further than our plans for December 31st.   

There have been several New Year’s Eves when I have been attached.  In 1999, my then-boyfriend and I stayed in bed, counting down with America, and at midnight, I got quite a bit more than a kiss.  A few minutes before the Auld Lang Syne, he looked at the ceiling and said to me, “Maybe we shouldn’t make it so memorable.  When we break up some day, we will officially ruin any future New Year's Eves.”  Despite his less-than-romantic sentiment, he and I spent that night like wildcats in heat.  We split a week and a half later. 

That experience did not define me, nor did it predict the rest of my year or my life.  Being attached during the holidays is not always all it’s cracked up to be.  Just like the single life, there are multiple trials and tribulations that come with the responsibility of being in a relationship.   

Repeatedly, I witness the-grass-is-always-greener syndrome with my friends, particularly as December 31st rolls around.  The single ones want to be in a relationship and the ones in relationships are overwhelmed by the pressure to create an ideal night.  After becoming well-versed in both the single life as well as being part of a couple, I can honestly say that there is almost no such thing as a perfect New Year's Eve. 

That being said, I must admit that I use the word “almost” because, beneath the somewhat jaded cynicism, I do keep a miniscule iota of hope that something close-to-perfect does exist, and I just have not found it yet.  Furthermore, I believe that an integral ingredient to my definition of perfection is flaw, as I find it endearing and quirky.  A perfect man or woman does not exist.  A perfect New Year's Eve probably doesn’t either.  But a perfect combination of the two does, alas, seem possible, even if it has not yet materialized.   

Furthermore, I feel sorry for January 2nd.  It just missed the boat, huh?  It also happens to be potentially the most dreaded day of the year.  On this dark occasion, kids return to school from Christmas vacation, adults scour at the end of their long weekend, and most people (myself included) are doomed to write the wrong year on their checks until at least March.  The New Years Resolutions that were proudly displayed on the kitchen bulletin board are now covered over with a coupon for the Chinese Restaurant down the street, and the bills from all those Christmas gifts are beginning to show up in the mailbox.  Poor January 2nd.   

Do I sound like the Grinch who stole the New Year?  That is not me.  I am a the one who rallies, who celebrates National Polka Dot Day, who puts a candle in my roommate’s muffin when it’s her half-birthday.  I am not sour.  I am simply mildly annoyed that the grandiose expectation of the last day of the year often leads people astray, leaving them in an undeniable slump as January 2nd rolls around. 

This New Year's, I plan on taking back the night.  Regardless of my partner status or my whereabouts, I will wear my best pleather boots, spike up my hair, and sing wildly off-key.  Whether at a dance club or in my living room, in the company of a man or a Manilow CD, making love or making popcorn, New Years Eve, despite the hype, is just another night.  Since I am of the mindset that every experience is worth living to its fullest and brightest capacity, making December 31st a fabulous evening will be just as easy as that of December 30th or January 2nd.   

And when all else fails, there will always be Showgirls.